


The Acropolis Job

by elentari7



Category: Leverage
Genre: British Museum, Elgin Marbles, Episode: s01e12 The First David Job, Episode: s01e13 The Second David Job, Gen, Hardison is the Only Sane Man, Sophie what have we said about the priceless art, The Author is Unqualified, This is her friends' fault anyway, for CULTURE, repatriation, sorry Greece
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-12
Updated: 2015-07-12
Packaged: 2018-04-09 00:33:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4327035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elentari7/pseuds/elentari7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The existence of this fic is due entirely to Tequila_Mockingbird and Roxie, from whom I stole half the dialogue. </p>
<p>I also must confess to not being totally caught up on Leverage, so I am unaware of whether Sophie has tried to con the team into stealing any more pieces of priceless art since the David jobs. I couldn't resist the reference, so I just assumed she learned her lesson.</p>
<p>Repatriation isn't exactly a black-and-white issue, and I am massively underqualified to discuss the finer nuances of returning the Elgin Marbles to Greece. I personally am a sentimental dewy-eyed undergrad Classicist who wishes the marbles would be returned, even at the expense of her favorite Keats sonnet, but has no idea how to make that *work* in real life. But I'm sure the team'll figure it out.</p></blockquote>





	The Acropolis Job

Nate gives him the nod. “Hardison.”

            Alec tries to make eye contact to make absolutely sure this is really happening, but Nate’s gazing serenely at the screens. “Okay…” Deep breaths. “So, our mark this job is the nation of Britain. Because _somebody_ has _lost his freaking mind_ —”

            “Just the British Museum, actually,” Nate cuts in mildly, reaching over to cue up the image and floor plan.

            “Right, sorry, just the British Museum. We’re gonna con the British Museum. Out of the Elgin Marbles.”

            Parker raises one eyebrow without moving a single other muscle, how does she do that? Can’t _someone_ besides himself look even the littlest bit worried about this job? “Come on, it’ll be fun!” Sophie says, and nope, that’s her cajoling voice. That voice is bad news. “Historic!”

            “You are not objective,” Eliot says flatly. Thank you, Eliot.

            Hardison turns to Sophie. “Oh I see, this was your idea.”

            “It’s a good idea!” And now it’s the saleswoman voice. Dammit.

            “Remember the last time she wanted us to steal priceless art for a good cause?” Hardison looks around, but Parker’s as unruffled as ever and Nate’s still not making eye contact. “Do we not remember that?”

            “The time she was playing us and we got caught and had to scatter?” Eliot asks. “That time?”

            Sophie flaps a hand at him. “You forgave me!”

            “And we finished the job in the end,” Parker points out, “didn’t we?”

            Hardison stares. “Not in the sense that we succeeded in stealing the art, no.”

            “But we gave a fraud what was coming to him and Nate felt much better afterward,” Sophie wheedles. “Imagine if we could do that for an entire country! Greece could use a morale boost right about now.”

            “Morale boost.” Hardison buries his face in his hands. “Sophie, you think this is going to give them _less_ problems? There’s a reason they still haven’t gotten the marbles back _legally_ after all this time, and it ain't because they haven’t asked.”

            Eliot leans forward on his elbows. “Isn’t that reason basically, ‘we stole it fair and square’?”

            Traitor.

            “Exactly!” Sophie exclaims.

            Hardison glares at her. “So, the same reason as your entire career.”

            She looks deeply offended. “I _respect_ the things I stole! I didn’t hammer them out with _crowbars_! I didn’t _bleach_ them! I didn’t impose _my_ elitist ideals on innocent pieces of millennia-old masterful sculpture—”

            “Still leaves the problem of how to make sure Greece can keep ’em,” Eliot interrupts, eyebrows drawn together as he stares at the screens. Like he’s contemplating. Like he’s _seriously considering this_.

            Hardison turns to Parker in a desperate, last-ditch effort, but she’s rapturously examining the museum layout. Probably plotting the seven quickest ways to get in, move a gigantic roomful of marble, and get out. He’s officially surrounded by the criminally insane. “That,” he manages to get out, “is a big problem. How _exactly_ are _we_ supposed to be the ones to solve that problem?”

            Nate looks up. He smiles, and Hardison revises his statement—he’s not just surrounded, he’s _trapped_. “That,” Nate says, “is the job.”

            Hardison lets his forehead hit the tabletop. Unfortunately, it hurts too much to not be real.

**Author's Note:**

> The existence of this fic is due entirely to Tequila_Mockingbird and Roxie, from whom I stole half the dialogue. 
> 
> I also must confess to not being totally caught up on Leverage, so I am unaware of whether Sophie has tried to con the team into stealing any more pieces of priceless art since the David jobs. I couldn't resist the reference, so I just assumed she learned her lesson.
> 
> Repatriation isn't exactly a black-and-white issue, and I am massively underqualified to discuss the finer nuances of returning the Elgin Marbles to Greece. I personally am a sentimental dewy-eyed undergrad Classicist who wishes the marbles would be returned, even at the expense of her favorite Keats sonnet, but has no idea how to make that *work* in real life. But I'm sure the team'll figure it out.


End file.
